4 Types of Communication Styles

God has made us unique, with different physical, mental, and psychological attributes. While no two personalities are the same, experts have been able to group individuals sharing similar styles into descriptive categories. While a person can adapt their style to a certain extent, they naturally revert to a default category. When it comes to how we speak and interact with each other, there are generally four types of communication styles that come into play.

Passive communication styles – “My feelings don’t count”

The types of communication styles classified as passive describes a person who constantly puts the needs and feelings of others ahead of their own. While this can be seen as kind and caring (and it is in practice); the issue is that they tend to deny their feelings, discounting their importance or validity. This style of communication leads to people-pleasing and a build-up of negative emotion, which is not how God meant us to communicate.

The passive personality avoids confrontation and challenging conversations because they seem too difficult, but at the same time, this means that they have not been properly understood and their needs remain unmet.

They often apologize unnecessarily and can be dishonest about their true opinions and views. In relationships, others will get the sense that they “don’t know where they stand” with them and can be confused when the person’s passive style leads to an eventual angry outburst.

Aggressive communication styles – “My view is what matters”

It is not difficult to spot a person who adopts aggressive types of communication styles. They are highly focused on their own perspectives and appear confrontational and inflexible. While they are always honest, this can be at the expense of other people’s feelings, and they (perhaps unknowingly) cause hurt and offense.

When dealing with someone who doesn’t tend toward an aggressive style, the individual with this manner can come across as being on the attack, which can result in the person on the receiving end feeling defensive. Other associated characteristics with aggressive communication include anger, hostility, biting words, and controlling behavior.

Passive-aggressive – “My words give a hint at what I truly feel”

Passive communication styles can often result in passive-aggressiveness, which means that the person has a build-up of negative emotion, but instead of expressing it in a direct confrontational manner, they feel compelled to make snide, subtle comments that hint at underlying anger.

This type of communication style can feel manipulative and frustrating for a person to whom their comments are directed, as they typically have gone along with the status quo for some time before getting to the point where emotions erupt, albeit in a passive manner. Any communication that lacks transparency and honesty is bound to lead to resentment and distance in a relationship.

Assertive – “My words are direct and clear”

The type of communication style that is the “gold standard” of effective communication is the assertive style. When a person communicates assertively, they are not afraid to say what they feel, and they mean exactly what they say. At the same time, they can be empathetic toward the emotions of others, and aware of how their words will land.

A person who has mastered the art of assertive communication wants listeners to understand them clearly, but equally, wants to understand what the other person in the conversation means and feels.

They are also in tune with non-verbal communication and will pick up on and respond appropriately to these cues. Like most people, they struggle with emotions like anger and frustration when dealing with others, but they can recognize where they are at and take some time out so that they can calm down and regroup.

God-honoring communication

While every person tends toward a natural type of communication style, it is not sufficient to simply accept this as part of your personality. For Christians, it is especially important to put off the qualities that are ungodly (dishonesty, anger, manipulation, etc.), and put on characteristics of godly communication.

Jesus was the perfect example of an assertive communicator. He spoke clearly and without ambiguity and was not afraid of confronting those who needed to be confronted (for example, the Pharisees). At the same time, he showed empathy and asked questions to help people arrive at conclusions on their own.

As we attempt to move toward an assertive communication style, we can pray and ask God for the help we need to break out of entrenched patterns and establish new, healthier modes of communication.