Taking a Biblical Perspective on a Toxic Marriage

It can be hard for a Christian to open up about being involved in a toxic marriage because there is a lot of confusion about what God expects from our marriages. Many people quietly stay trapped in unhealthy marriages and wonder if God will frown upon them if they leave.

The truth is that God doesn’t want us to hurt each other or suffer in silence. The Bible condemns toxic behavior in marriage such as:

Emotional, verbal, or physical abuse

Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, Love is the fulfillment of the law. – Romans 13:10, NASB

The Bible is clearly against us physically harming or abusing each other. The Scripture is full of verses that condemn violence, which is constantly associated with wickedness and described as detestable to the Lord.

Jesus calls us to relationships of peace and harmony, so we are expected to resist using violence even in retaliation for violence used against us (Luke 6:29). This does not mean that we should be content to suffer the abuse in silence; instead, we should know that violence and abuse are not God’s plan for us. There is no shame or sin in seeking safety and help.

Manipulative behavior

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourselves. – Philippians 2:3-4, ESV

Manipulators try to control or influence their partner’s behavior, usually through deceptive or emotionally abusive behavior. This can include psychological or spiritual abuse and emotional manipulation in the form of threats, unnecessary ultimatums, restricting one’s movements, or isolating them.

The Bible helps us understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy control and recognize signs of toxicity in our marriage. The word of God can help us to develop a strong sense of self-esteem and identity in Christ so that we can set healthy boundaries and see help when necessary.

Deceitful behavior

A poor person who walks with integrity is better than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool. – Proverbs 19:1 ESV

The Bible forbids lying, and keeping things from a spouse goes against God’s design for marriage. Trust is the backbone of a healthy marriage, and deception erodes trust. Lying is one of the most condemned sins. Think about the story of Ananias and Sapphira, whose judgment for lying to the church was death. God doesn’t want us to accept deception from a spouse but rather to confront them with love and biblical principles.

Actions to take when in a toxic marriage

If we find ourselves in a toxic marriage, it is not healthy or godly to accept that. We must use all the resources God has given us to get ourselves back to a safe and healthy place again.

Start having intentional discussions It is possible to hurt one another without realizing how toxic our marriage has become because of our actions. Open up to your spouse about your concerns, feelings, and hopes for the relationship.

Stop enabling toxic patterns Once you recognize unhealthy patterns, you need to work toward setting healthy boundaries. You need to avoid making excuses for your partner or feeling bad for expressing your hurts and disappointments.

Be prepared to distance yourself from danger

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. – 1 Corinthians 7, ESV

While the Bible condemns divorce, we are not supposed to put ourselves in danger to make an unbelieving and dangerous spouse stay with us. If the situation becomes dangerous, seek professional help and, when necessary, distance yourself from harm.

The Bible has given us clear teaching that tells us that, although God values marriage, He is also concerned for our safety and well-being. Seek godly counsel from your pastors, a trusted spiritual advisor, or a professional who can provide guidance and prayer support during difficult times.

If you need extra support, contact us at McKinney Christian Counseling to schedule an appointment today and allow a counselor in McKinney, Texas to help you out of your toxic situation.