Kate Motaung, Author at McKinney Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Surviving Infidelity: 4 Effects of Adultery on a Relationship

Surviving Infidelity: 4 Effects of Adultery on a Relationship

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:35+00:00August 16th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The bond that allows for a relationship to flourish is trust. Trust takes time to develop, as two people experience each other in different settings and gradually come to see that they are reliable in ways that matter. That trust enables the relationship to deepen because it allows people to be vulnerable with each other and be honest at the risk of rejection. Over time, the relationship deepens, and the bond shared gets stronger, which is one reason why adultery is so terrible. When infidelity occurs, it strikes at the trust that has been built over many months or years. It can make one question whether the relationship was real to begin with, and if there is a future for the relationship. This is to say nothing of the deep hurt it causes because of the betrayal and all it implies. When infidelity occurs, it leaves the people connected to the relationship in need of asking critical questions about what has happened, and what comes next. Making sense of adultery Adultery can be complex, in the sense that any two people off the street may not agree on what constitutes infidelity. People come from different religious, ethnic, cultural, and intellectual backgrounds, and they have a broad range of life experiences that have shaped them and how they do life. One person might consider sending a private message on social media to an ex to be problematic, while another person might not. Of course, in a relationship, you’re not dealing with two random people off the street. It’s two people who have been walking alongside one another for some time, and they have been exposed to each other’s understanding of life and the world around them. It is true, though, that sometimes couples make assumptions and never properly discuss what [...]

Comments Off

How a Fear of Abandonment Gets in the Way of a Healthy Relationship

How a Fear of Abandonment Gets in the Way of a Healthy Relationship

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:06+00:00August 6th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A healthy relationship is a wonderful thing to experience. As social beings, we are wired for relationships, and when our relationships are functioning well, they can contribute to our well-being in several ways. Healthy relationships are linked to higher self-esteem, less anxiety and depression, a stronger immune system, faster recovery from illness, and possibly longer life. Many different issues can affect the health of a relationship, and a fear of abandonment is one of them. What is the fear of abandonment? We all must deal at one point or another with the loss of a loved one, whether as a result of death or because the relationship comes to an end. Loss is a part of all our lives, and it affects us in different ways. However, a person who fears abandonment lives in fear of these losses occurring. Fear of abandonment is a type of anxiety that some people have about the possibility or idea of losing someone that they care about. Abandonment can happen either emotionally or physically. Physical abandonment is when a person leaves the relationship, whether they die or they walk away from the relationship. If a parent left in your childhood, that might foster a fear of abandonment. Emotional abandonment is when loved ones distance themselves emotionally, by not paying attention to your needs, or by being remote and not sharing themselves with you. Experiences such as infidelity, divorce, and the death of a loved one can all lead to a fear of abandonment. Not having one’s emotional and physical needs met can thus lead to abandonment anxiety. Past experiences of abandonment which cause attachment issues, as well as experiences of trauma and abuse, can all contribute to someone developing a fear of abandonment. How it affects a relationship How we experience relationships and what [...]

Comments Off

Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:55:28+00:00April 15th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Our relationships with other people are the places where we are often at our most vulnerable. The people we’re in relationships with see us at our best and our worst; they support us in times of trouble, and they also share in our joys. We stand alongside them when they are in need, and we share the journey of life. When those relationships are or become unsafe, that can undermine one’s well-being, especially where emotional abuse is involved. Relationships come in different shapes; parent-child relationships, friendship, a romantic relationship, or the relationship between siblings, to name a few. These different relationships don’t all function the same way, but there are a few things that are basic to all relationships. This includes being shown consideration, love, and respect. Our dignity and value which flows from being creatures made in God’s image (Genesis 1: 26-27) make these basics just that. Some examples of emotional abuse Emotional abuse manifests in a relationship in several ways. Certain patterns of relating to one another may seem natural and may have always been part of how you talk and act toward each other, but that doesn’t mean that they are normal or healthy. In other situations, those patterns may be recent developments that have begun to affect your relationship. Some examples of emotional abuse in a relationship include the following: Withholding affection, care, and support There are relationships in which there is a duty to care. Parents have a duty to care for, clothe, feed, educate, house, and meet the needs of their children such as the need to socialize and play with their peers. Spouses have duties to one another, including showing affection, giving mutual support, and so on. Withholding what rightfully belongs to the other person for whatever reason is a form of [...]

Comments Off

Mapping Out Your Spiritual Maturity and Growth

Mapping Out Your Spiritual Maturity and Growth

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:55:20+00:00January 19th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

How do you go about measuring and directing your spiritual growth and maturity? It may even seem as though trying to measure your spirituality is an exercise in either futility or vanity. Why would you want to measure your spiritual maturity, and wouldn’t that lead you to despair or toward pride? These are all valid questions and concerns. A fruitful Christian life requires that you know not only what your goal is but knowing how to get there and how to tell if you’re making progress. Tracing a path for your growth and maturity. What is the Christian life all about? One answer is that it’s about becoming more like Jesus in every aspect of one’s life. We are to have the same mind as that of Christ (Philippians 2:1-11), and the pursuit of a life of spiritual maturity through the power of the Holy Spirit produces certain fruit in a person’s life such as love, patience, kindness, and self-control (Galatians 5:16-26; Ephesians 4:11-32). One way to trace a path for your growth and maturity is to consider if you are growing in virtue, that is, in certain characteristics or qualities that mark a life lived by the power of the Holy Spirit. Desiring this life is not a return to the form of thinking where we believe we are saved and become acceptable to God because of the good things we’ve done or are doing. Rather, we are saved by grace through faith – these are gifts of God toward us. But God saves us for something, and that something is to become more like Jesus, to nurture certain qualities within us (Ephesians 2:1-10). There are seven virtues to consider that can help set your direction for growth. Remember, this is just one way to do this. You [...]

Comments Off

The Power of Yes and No: Navigating Codependency and Boundaries

The Power of Yes and No: Navigating Codependency and Boundaries

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:19+00:00August 30th, 2023|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We all face different seasons and choices in life. Even in these, we have the opportunity to set aside in times of plenty to prepare for needs sure to come (Proverbs 6:6-8). Placing boundaries around how we prioritize and expend our resources has the potential to sustain us when life brings challenges or when we find ourselves victims of codependency. Our Faithful Father furnishes us with aptitudes, abilities, and unlimited access to His Presence and wisdom concerning how to navigate each season. Through this, He teaches us that wise stewardship isn’t solely about how we use our yes, but also where we appropriate our no as well. Though no is one of the shortest words, using it can be difficult. Though misconstrued, we who follow Jesus, need to understand the power of this small and mighty word. With it, we carve boundaries, not intended to destroy, but rather nurture connection and give our relationships a chance to flourish. Without no, we act codependently, invariably saying yes to what things shouldn’t. Saying no protects the parameters that support our relationships with God, self, and others. Although some tend to view dissent as meanness and dismiss its use as not being Christlike, no clarifies boundaries, and expectations, and conveys value. Having a healthy understanding and application of boundaries is essential to our well-being and vital for thriving connections with others. Christians need to have this dialogue and exercise greater ease with saying no as part of our total well-being. We belong to Jesus, relating through the Spirit and reflecting that in how we regard our neighbor and ourselves. It may seem controversial, but our no can often be the better witness that overcomes codependent mindsets and practices. We also place boundaries on our behavior, freeing people to see and experience the [...]

Comments Off

Understanding and Supporting Your Teen

Understanding and Supporting Your Teen

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:53:51+00:00August 15th, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

As your child grows up, he or she faces many challenges. What starts as learning rules and social norms in the early years shifts into opportunities to implement those things during the teen years. From ages 13-19, your child will navigate a variety of situations while balancing his or her responsibilities, managing relationships, and handling hormones. It may be inevitable, but it is far from simple and supporting your teen becomes all the more important. You have a role to play in this process for your teen. As you walk alongside your teen, you must focus on understanding him or her and implementing healthy, age-appropriate ways to support him or her. While this is important in practical ways like handling the pressure of school assignments or dealing with someone difficult, it is even more important when it comes to your teen’s mental health. The importance of understanding and supporting your teen. Parenting a teen is about far more than rules and school. Your teen is a complex person. Just as you want your teen to be physically well, you want your teen to have good mental health. This includes emotional, psychological, and social wellness. The teen years are especially precarious when it comes to mental health. That doesn’t mean your teen is bound to have mental health issues. Instead, it means recognizing that your teen is dealing with many social and physiological changes that impact him or her. When you are available and understanding, you can offer your teen support to help foster good mental health. Ways to support your teen's mental health. You can support your teen’s mental health during this time in a variety of ways. As you read through these ideas, consider how you can implement them and how they can benefit your teen. Start by [...]

Comments Off

Relationship Advice for Men: Practical Tips to Implement

Relationship Advice for Men: Practical Tips to Implement

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:43+00:00June 7th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We can all use extra help from time to time in our relationships. Here are a few pieces of relationship advice for men. If you need more help, don’t hesitate to speak with a Christian counselor about your unique relationship challenges. Relationship Advice for Men Communication is key. The first bit of relationship advice for men revolves around communication. Effective communication is an important aspect of any relationship. Here are a few tips for improving communication as a man. Practice active listening. This means fully focusing on what your partner is saying and trying to understand their perspective. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive. Instead, try to ask clarifying questions. Be honest and open with your thoughts and feelings. Don’t bottle up your emotions or hide things from your partner. Instead, try to be upfront about what you’re thinking and feeling. Use “I” statements. Instead of blaming or accusing your partner, try to express how their actions have affected you. For example, “I feel hurt when you don’t listen to me” is more effective than “You never listen to me.” Watch your nonverbal communication. Your body language and tone of voice can convey a lot of information. Make sure that they align with what you’re trying to say. Take breaks when needed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or things are getting heated, it can be helpful to step away and give yourself some time to cool off before continuing the conversation. Remember, effective communication is a two-way street. It’s important not only to express your own thoughts and feelings but also to listen to and understand your partner’s perspective. Show your appreciation for your girlfriend or wife. A second piece of relationship advice for men is to show appreciation. There are many ways that a man can show appreciation for his [...]

Comments Off

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Friendships

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Friendships

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:55:12+00:00May 5th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The people you call friends are those you’ve built rapport with; you get each other, and you’ve gone through enough things together to build trust. Implied in all this is that a solid friendship takes time to build, and it’s not always a smooth road getting there. Friends, like other people, have fights, and hopefully, they resolve those conflicts well. One positive outcome of well-resolved conflict is that you know one another as well as how to love each other better. Boundaries are another way for friends to love one another, and they are just as important in friendships as in other relationships. Defining boundaries. A boundary is a psychological and emotional demarcation of where one person ends, and another begins. God created us uniquely in His image, and we are born with our personalities, strengths, areas for growth, proclivities, and sensitivities. Though we may share many similarities, we are individuals. This is all the more important between friends because you can have so much in common that you can seem like you’re the same person. Even though you may have many points of common interest, you and your friends are still individuals. Healthy boundaries define and protect that individuality so that you can express yourself and exist without being consumed by someone else. If there’s a friend with a dominant personality, a combination of that dominance and peer pressure can wind up molding the group of friends into an extension of the dominant personality. Healthy boundaries prevent that from happening. Why good boundaries make better friendships. It may be tempting to think of boundaries as a barrier of sorts, the kind that hinders vulnerability and deep fellowship. On the contrary, healthy boundaries can facilitate more meaningful interactions between friends. It allows the friends to be themselves and make [...]

Comments Off

The Inside Job: Healing Trauma and Family Relationships

The Inside Job: Healing Trauma and Family Relationships

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:11+00:00April 28th, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Scripture’s earliest images reveal the spectrum of challenges that all of humanity encounters. In family relationships, God set the blueprint at creation in a perfect environment. God created a world for His people to live in harmonious fellowship with Him and one another free from trauma. Despite this, a real enemy threatened what God had envisioned. He sought to destroy the Father’s Image by persuading Adam and Eve to not only doubt God, but themselves, and one another. Although Adam and Eve were made from the same material and fashioned by the same God, sin split their bond. Disobedience distorted their perceptions to view the Father as withholding goodness. Instead of acknowledging the role of the serpent and their own culpability, they blamed one another. Their experience reveals how sin fragments us and weakens our connections. We tend to believe the lies whispered by our enemy instead of embracing the Truth that we were created to live. Tormented by trauma The Genesis story is rather familiar because it seems that we have heard it many times. However, as many times as we have read about it, we don’t realize that we are often living the same script. Like the first humans, we mirror Adam and Eve who cowered in the shadows. While they assembled fig leaves to shield themselves from their awareness of vulnerability and exposure, we tend to cover ourselves with possessions, seeking people, or pursuing activities to keep our minds busy. In doing so, we break fellowship with the Father and injure one another because we worry about what we might discover about ourselves in the stillness. Rebellion created a chasm of emotional distance and dysfunction. Sin changed the way that humanity would experience relationships going forward. We still experience its effects today. Our fallen world, full [...]

Comments Off

Pause, Pray, Plan: Mapping Strategies to Manage Stress

Pause, Pray, Plan: Mapping Strategies to Manage Stress

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:49+00:00February 8th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Stress has often been labeled as a silent killer. Its effects don’t only undermine physical health, but also impact our emotional and mental wellness. When we place too much expectation or activity on ourselves, the results of an overload will show. Instead of savoring the gifts that life has to offer, we find ourselves in survival mode, trying to subsist on the fumes of leftover energy from one day to the next. We may not realize it, but the struggle associated with stress keeps us one stressful moment away from a crisis. External pressure that is not balanced by internal resilience will cause us to implode. The lopsidedness of life without margin squeezes our capacity to dream and hope, despite the presence of stressors. Stress builds its own frenzied momentum, frustrating instead of fueling us toward God-given dreams and purpose. Invariably, our lives and bodies, when crushed under the weight of stress, will tell a story of a purpose thwarted, not thriving. God created us for nothing less and nothing different than abundance. As sons and daughters in God’s kingdom, we are formed for lives that overflow with peace and joy. We need to be aware that our enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. Strategies to Manage Stress Stress is one of the tools that he uses, flooding our thoughts and schedules with activities that fluster rather than fulfill (John 10:10). However, we can buffer our souls, building them up with spiritual truth and practical strategies that will manage our stress and make room for the God dreams we were intended to live. Time. So then, be careful how you walk, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the [...]

Comments Off

12 Next

Kate Motaung

About Kate Motaung

CONTACT INFO

McKinney Christian Counseling

ABOUT US