At its heart, grief is the often-prolonged sadness we feel after a loss of some kind. Sometimes the loss is concrete, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship due to divorce or moving away, or the loss of a pregnancy, job, health, or possessions. At other times the loss may be more abstract, such as the loss of an opportunity or the death of hopes and dreams
In the Bible, God invites us to draw near to Him when we are grieving, no matter the reason for our loss. He is the only one who can really understand how we feel.
When dealing with grief, our emotions can be complicated. Sometimes we feel anger, betrayal, or even relief mixed in with our sadness, which can be confusing to understand. However, this is normal and quite common. We are complex creatures, able to feel two or more contradictory emotions at the same time. Think of the happiness yet sadness that can be present in certain memories and celebrations – anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc.
At times it seems that there is an unspoken time limit on feeling sad, after which we are supposed to cheer up and get over it. Feelings, especially grief, have no time limit. Yet grief is something that even months or years later can sneak up on us and bring us to tears or even to our knees all over again.
Processing grief is just that – a process that moves more in cycles and patterns rather than progressing through linear stages. We know the reality is we can feel and experience all these “stages” in any order at any time. Maybe they are familiar to you: shock, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. As time passes, the intensity of our feelings usually lessens as we learn to live with our loss and reintegrate into the world. We may cycle through the process of grief, experiencing the different stages once again.
God is with you in this complicated grieving process.
Bible verses about grief
Talk about the grief
One of the most crucial components in the healing process is to be able to articulate our loss and how it is making us feel – especially how it makes us feel about God. It is important not to skip this step when dealing with our grief or drawing alongside others who are grieving.
Going straight to Bible verses about God’s comfort and goodness, though well-intentioned, can serve to invalidate a person’s feelings of loss rather than comfort them. It can make someone feel guilty or even question their faith for feeling sad in the face of loss. Yet even Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died (John 11:35).
Thankfully, Scripture is honest about us and our emotions and helps us to put words to our feelings. The Bible is rich in verses about grief, loss, sadness, and lament. The Old Testament book of Lamentations and many Psalms contain heart-wrenching confessions of how the writers felt abandoned, ignored, or even punished by God in the face of loss.
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? – Psalm 22:1, NIV
The first part of this verse from Psalm 22 was quoted by Jesus as he was dying on the cross. Even though he fully trusted and obeyed God and had willingly laid down his life for us, Jesus still felt abandoned and cried out at the (temporary) loss of relationship with his Father.
The writer of Lamentations, a book of five poems of sorrow for the fallen city of Jerusalem, does not hold back in describing his feelings of loss:
He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver. – Lamentations 3:13, NIV
I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. – Lamentations 3:17
Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer. – Lamentations 3:8
Bringing your grief honestly to God in prayer or a lament is part of the biblical way of responding to loss.
Express your feelings to God
The next key to making progress is to remember who God is. It is easy to become inward-focused when we are grieving and forget or even distrust what God has said in our sorrow. In the Psalms, David pours out his feelings to God and then reminds himself of God’s character and promises.
David lets God’s truth lead his feelings – not the other way around. He does not become bitter or hopeless or selfish in his grief, rather he draws near to the Lord and is refreshed and strengthened by Him.
Bible verses about grief that encourage us to draw near to God
Meditate on scripture about grief
Here are four Bible verses about grief that remind us of the comfort that only God can provide, and which he loves to give to us.
Look at God’s tenderness to those who are hurting:
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18, NIV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3, NIV
For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. – Lamentations 3:31-32, NIV
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. – Revelation 21:4, NIV
Without God, there is no hope for loss. Only He can restore and heal what is broken. The Bible assures us that, as believers in Christ, we can look forward with certainty to a time when the Lord will wipe every tear from our eyes, and the old order of things has passed away. In your grief, raise your eyes to Him and know that this is not the end. There is unimaginable joy to come. Take heart.
Seeking support in your grief
When we are grieving, it is tempting to withdraw and isolate ourselves from others and become self-absorbed in our loss. While it is healthy and valuable to spend some time alone to think through what has happened, we should not withdraw completely.
Make a habit of responding to people’s calls and texts or reaching out to someone else at least once a day. Go outside and take a walk if you can. Keep going to church and meeting with your small group so that you can be loved and served by other believers.
Don’t expect everyone to know what to say; nobody is a mind reader. There is a good chance someone will say something hurtful, even unintentionally. Try to respond with patience and kindness and grace. As best as you can, tell them what you feel and what you need from them, what is helpful and what is not.
Find out if your church has a grief support program and try it out. Experiencing the compassion and empathy of others walking a similar road is enormously encouraging, and you can also be of help to them. Remember what the apostle Paul teaches us in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV
When to try grief counseling
Sometimes, even the loving support of family, friends, and the church community may not feel enough. If you feel your grief is still intense after a reasonable amount of time and is affecting your ability to work or function normally in relationships or other situations, it would be wise to meet with a trained Christian counselor. The processes mentioned here are only a starting point in encouraging you to draw near to God in the midst of grief and loss.
Grief counseling that helps you to connect your loss to God and understand your emotions from a godly perspective will accelerate healing your sadness in a healthy way. If this sounds like something you would like to do, please contact our office today and make an appointment.
“Touch the Sun”, Courtesy of Marc Olivier Jodoin, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Hands and Flower”, Courtesy of Lina Trochez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Reaching Out”, Courtesy of Shoeib Abolhassani, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Grieving Woman”, Courtesy of Polina Zimmerman, Pexels.com, CC0 License
- Jessica Gallant: Author
I believe no one should struggle alone and I commend anyone with the courage to reach out for help. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I offer faith-based therapy for teens, adult individuals, and couples. With empathy, transparency, and honesty,...
- Kate Motaung: Curator
Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging...
DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE
Articles are intended for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice; the content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. All opinions expressed by authors and quoted sources are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, publishers or editorial boards of Stone Oak Christian Counseling. This website does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk.