How to Improve Communication in a Relationship: Using “I” Statements

God created us to be social creatures. Having other people in our lives is meant to help us grow and develop into the people God has created us to be. Because being social is at the core of our Christian belief, it is important to learn how to properly nourish and maintain the relationships in our lives. While you may have some very positive relationships in your life, most people have some complicated relationships or relationships that could be improved through better communication.

Better communication is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. It involves being an active listener, being empathetic, and learning to be assertive. One important skill to implement when communicating is to practice using “I” statements.

What does that mean? We often deflect blame and make accusations toward others instead of taking responsibility for the negative things in our lives. When we do this in the context of communications it can create animosity, resentment, and division. Instead of blaming or accusing others, “I” statements focus on personal feelings and experiences. This approach develops understanding and reduces defensiveness.

Why do “I” statements matter? No one likes to have their faults pointed out to them or be accused of things, especially if it is something that they haven’t done. Using “you” statements in communication can create a deeper division between us and the person with whom we are communicating. We are inadvertently nudging the other party into a defensive mindset which builds communication walls and fences, instead of doors and bridges.

Here’s how to implement “I” statements effectively:

• Express Your Feelings: Begin statements with “I feel…” to convey emotions without placing blame.
• Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your role in conflicts and misunderstandings.
• Avoid Accusations: Refrain from using “you” statements that sound accusatory or judgmental.
• Focus on Specific Situations: Address specific behaviors or situations that affect you, rather than generalizing.
• Encourage Open Dialogue: Invite the other person to share their perspective, creating space for mutual understanding.
• Clarify Your Needs: Use “I need…” to clearly express what you require or expect from the other person. This will ensure that your needs are understood without demanding or imposing
• Set Boundaries: Use “I am uncomfortable with…” to assertively establish boundaries and ensure respectful and healthy exchanges.
• Seek Resolution: Aim for solutions that benefit both parties and strengthen the relationship.
• Share Your Personal Growth: Share insights and growth from past experiences by using “I have learned…” during your conversation. This will help promote humility and imply the desire for mutual improvement.
• Seek Therapy: If improving communication seems challenging, consider seeking help from a therapist. A therapist can offer personalized guidance and support and can help you practice using “I” statements to enhance your communication skills.

When you are faced with a confrontation, it’s important to acknowledge your own faults and feelings rather than focusing on the other person’s negative actions. Communication is not just an exchange of words, but it is an exchange of emotions and an opportunity to add value to each other’s lives.

By becoming a better communicator, you will enhance not only your earthly relationships but also your walk with God. As you learn to be a better communicator, you are also changing your mindset and focusing more on gratitude and personal responsibility, enriching both your interactions and your spiritual growth.

Let one of the therapists at our location support you in improving your communication skills. Contact us today.