Maintaining Commitment in Your Marriage

Do you believe that as time has gone on, your commitment to your partner has grown weaker? Do you want to change that trend? If so, it is helpful to consider the following questions:

• What does it entail to be faithful to your spouse?
• What obstacles could jeopardize this dedication?
• What can you do to make your commitment to your partner stronger?

First, let’s look at some basics.

What is commitment?

What do you think commitment means in a marriage? Many would contend that it results from a sense of obligation. For instance, a couple might decide to stay together for the sake of their kids or out of a sense of obligation to God, the One who created marriage.

Such motivations are undoubtedly admirable and will support a marriage during trying times. However, marriage partners must feel more than just a sense of duty toward one another to be content.

Jehovah God intended for a marriage to make a couple deeply joyful and content. He wanted a man to rejoice in his wife (Ephesians 5:28, NIV) and he wanted a woman to feel as loved by her husband as he does by his own body. (Proverbs 5:18, NIV) A couple must develop trust to forge that kind of bond.

Their ability to form a lifelong friendship is also crucial. A man and woman’s dedication to their marriage will increase as they work to gain each other’s trust and develop the closest of friendships. They will develop a bond that the Bible describes as being so strong that it will feel like “‘…the two will become one flesh.’” (Matthew 19:5, NIV)

Therefore, commitment could be compared to the mortar holding together a sturdy house’s bricks. Sand, cement, and water are some of the ingredients used to make mortar. Similar to this, commitment is created by combining elements like duty, trust, and friendship.

What are the difficulties?

Selflessness and hard work are necessary for commitment. It requires you to be prepared to set aside your preferences to win your partner over. But the idea of giving in to someone else’s wishes – of giving without considering what’s in it forme? – has fallen out of favor with many people and even offended some. But consider the people you know. How many self-centered people do you know who have happy marriages?

Most likely, the response is few, if any. When personal sacrifice is required in a marriage, a selfish person is unlikely to stay committed. This is especially true if there are no immediate benefits to the small concessions he may make. No matter how sweet the romantic feelings were when a couple first fell in love, a relationship won’t last without commitment.

Marriage is difficult work, and the Bible acknowledges this in reality. The married man is anxious for worldly things, how he can win his wife’s approval, and the married woman is anxious for worldly things, how she can win her husband’s approval. (1 Cor. 7:33-34, NIV)

Even spouses who are typically selfless do not always recognize or appreciate their spouse’s worries or sacrifices. A couple’s marriage is bound to bring them more challenges if they don’t show appreciation for one another.

You must adopt a long-term perspective on your marriage if you want it to endure hard times and flourish in prosperous ones. Consider how you can cultivate such a mindset, and inspire your partner to stick by you.

How to make commitment stronger.

Humbly applying the guidance of God’s Word, the Bible, is a crucial element. You will both you and your partner by doing this. Two practical actions you can take are prioritizing your marriage and avoiding unfaithfulness.

Prioritize your marriage.

Paul advised how to interact in all relationships:

I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought. – 1 Corinthians 1:10, NIV

This is especially true in marriage as God places a high value on how a husband and wife treat one another. 1 Peter 3 describes the way God honors a man who respects his wife and a woman who respects her husband.

Think about how valuable your marriage is to you. Typically, people spend more time on tasks that are more important to them. Ask yourself these questions:

• • In the past month, how much time did you set aside specifically to spend with your partner?

• What specific actions have you taken to reaffirm your friendship with your partner?

Your spouse might find it difficult to believe that you are committed to the union if you put little or no effort into maintaining the union. Prioritizing your marriage is essential.

Does your spouse believe you’re dedicated to your marriage? Try this simple activity with your spouse.

1. Start by writing these five categories on a piece of paper: money, work, marriage, entertainment, and friends.
2. Now sort the list by priority, based on what you think your spouse values most.
3. Ask that your partner do the same about you.
4. Once finished, trade lists with your partner.

This simple activity can be eye-opening for a couple. Discuss what adjustments you might need to make to strengthen your commitment to each other if your spouse feels that you are not putting enough time and effort into the marriage. After you complete the activity, consider what you can do to show more interest in the things that are significant to your partner.

Avoid being unfaithful in any way. 

The Bible addresses unfaithfulness directly, explaining that having sex outside of the marriage can warrant a divorce, a strong decree for the time. Unfaithfulness goes beyond the act of sex. Even staring at another person with lust is a form of adultery within that person’s heart, according to Jesus.

You can avoid this by making choices to avoid infidelity of the body and heart. Make a solemn commitment to refrain from viewing pornography to uphold your commitment to your marriage. Relationships with others, especially the opposite sex can become risky. To gauge your heart, consider the following questions:

• Whom am I paying the most attention to – my spouse or a person of the opposite sex?
• Do I tell my spouse the good news first, or should I tell someone else?
• How would I respond if my partner asked me to limit my contact with people who identify as the other sex?
• Would I make the requested change happily or would I be resentful?

If you discover that you are attracted to someone other than your partner, keep all interactions with that person strictly professional and restrict your contact to what is necessary. Don’t think about how this person is better than your partner in any way. Instead, concentrate on your partner’s good traits, remembering what caused your initial attraction to your partner.

Exercise initiative.

Your partner needs to know that you are dedicated to making the marriage successful, whether it is stable or tense. Take whatever appropriate action is required to persuade your partner of that truth.

Sometimes this means making hard decisions. The counselors in our office are here to help. They can help you assess the situation and how you feel about your spouse as well as develop a strategy for reaffirming your commitment to your spouse.

This counseling can be done individually or with your partner. The important thing is that you are willing to do the work to maintain the commitment in your marriage.

Contact us today to move forward with individual or marriage counseling to strengthen trust and commitment in your marriage.