Relationship Issues Archives | McKinney Christian Counseling

5 Reasons Why Couples Therapy Might Be Good for Your Marriage

5 Reasons Why Couples Therapy Might Be Good for Your Marriage

By Caitlin Bailey|2024-10-09T18:45:40+00:00September 27th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Before a couple gets married, they have dreams and visions for their marriage. Couples rarely imagine going to counseling. During the first few years of marriage, it’s easy to believe the other party will change their bad behaviors and habits simply because they love the other party. However, each of them eventually recognizes the other is not going to change. This can cause fights and quarrels, resulting in a marriage that can be difficult to restore. Every marriage has its highs and lows. Even the marriages that lasted the longest have peaks and valleys. No matter what season of life your marriage may be in, it may be good for you and your spouse to seek couples therapy. Even the best marriages have used counseling if they can’t see eye and eye on a problem or want to move forward with a healthy, thriving marriage. Therapy no longer has the stigma it once had. At one time, counseling indicated to people that something was wrong with them. However, counseling is a normal part of a thriving marriage. Every marriage can use good, biblical counseling. Here are some reasons why couples therapy might be good for your marriage: A third-party perspective If you and your spouse have difficulty agreeing on a subject, it’s good to get a third-party perspective. A third party, particularly a Christian, might help you see the situation from a different perspective. Sometimes they can give you an idea you and your spouse have not thought of before. By approaching the subject from a different perspective, it may help you resolve the issue with only a minimal amount of problem-solving required. Outside perspectives also help even the score for couples who have difficulty seeing eye to eye in conflict. Both parties may be tempted to [...]

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Marriage Help: Staying Connected When Your Schedules Don’t Align

Marriage Help: Staying Connected When Your Schedules Don’t Align

By Stephanie Kramer|2024-09-27T09:48:39+00:00August 28th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Most couples believe that part of what keeps a relationship fresh and fulfilling is spending quality time together. Therapists agree. Many counselors advise couples to prioritize date nights and shared activities as part of effective marriage help to strengthen bonds. While this is ideal, it’s not possible for every couple. If you and your mate’s schedules simply don’t align, don’t worry. With a bit of creativity, you can still find ways to bond and strengthen your relationship, even when you’re apart. How to Stay Connected with Your Spouse Here are some ideas to help you connect with your partner, even when your schedules don’t align. Scavenger hunt/love note relay Create a scavenger hunt for your partner. Hide small gifts or clues around the house leading to a final romantic surprise. Although this thoughtful gesture will take some creativity and time, it will be a wonderful way to show your partner you are thinking about them even when apart. Shared project Choose a challenging puzzle to work on together. Even if you’re not in the same space at the same time, you can still collaborate on the project. If puzzles aren’t your thing, consider buying a model or craft kit to work on together. You could even start a garden and work separately to maintain it. When the harvest comes, plan to enjoy the fruit of your labor together. Make their favorite meal Prepare your partner’s favorite meal. Set the table with your best dishes and fresh flowers, creating a romantic atmosphere. Have soft music playing when your spouse returns home. Leave a heartfelt note relaying how you wish you could eat together and heating instructions for the meal. Even if your partner eats alone, the thoughtful gesture will keep you on their mind. Love tokens Create or purchase small [...]

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Surviving Infidelity: 4 Effects of Adultery on a Relationship

Surviving Infidelity: 4 Effects of Adultery on a Relationship

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:35+00:00August 16th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The bond that allows for a relationship to flourish is trust. Trust takes time to develop, as two people experience each other in different settings and gradually come to see that they are reliable in ways that matter. That trust enables the relationship to deepen because it allows people to be vulnerable with each other and be honest at the risk of rejection. Over time, the relationship deepens, and the bond shared gets stronger, which is one reason why adultery is so terrible. When infidelity occurs, it strikes at the trust that has been built over many months or years. It can make one question whether the relationship was real to begin with, and if there is a future for the relationship. This is to say nothing of the deep hurt it causes because of the betrayal and all it implies. When infidelity occurs, it leaves the people connected to the relationship in need of asking critical questions about what has happened, and what comes next. Making sense of adultery Adultery can be complex, in the sense that any two people off the street may not agree on what constitutes infidelity. People come from different religious, ethnic, cultural, and intellectual backgrounds, and they have a broad range of life experiences that have shaped them and how they do life. One person might consider sending a private message on social media to an ex to be problematic, while another person might not. Of course, in a relationship, you’re not dealing with two random people off the street. It’s two people who have been walking alongside one another for some time, and they have been exposed to each other’s understanding of life and the world around them. It is true, though, that sometimes couples make assumptions and never properly discuss what [...]

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Taking a Biblical Perspective on a Toxic Marriage

Taking a Biblical Perspective on a Toxic Marriage

By Grace Mavindidze|2024-09-27T09:51:44+00:00August 7th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It can be hard for a Christian to open up about being involved in a toxic marriage because there is a lot of confusion about what God expects from our marriages. Many people quietly stay trapped in unhealthy marriages and wonder if God will frown upon them if they leave. The truth is that God doesn’t want us to hurt each other or suffer in silence. The Bible condemns toxic behavior in marriage such as: Emotional, verbal, or physical abuse Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, Love is the fulfillment of the law. – Romans 13:10, NASB The Bible is clearly against us physically harming or abusing each other. The Scripture is full of verses that condemn violence, which is constantly associated with wickedness and described as detestable to the Lord. Jesus calls us to relationships of peace and harmony, so we are expected to resist using violence even in retaliation for violence used against us (Luke 6:29). This does not mean that we should be content to suffer the abuse in silence; instead, we should know that violence and abuse are not God’s plan for us. There is no shame or sin in seeking safety and help. Manipulative behavior Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourselves. – Philippians 2:3-4, ESV Manipulators try to control or influence their partner’s behavior, usually through deceptive or emotionally abusive behavior. This can include psychological or spiritual abuse and emotional manipulation in the form of threats, unnecessary ultimatums, restricting one’s movements, or isolating them. The Bible helps us understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy control and recognize signs of toxicity in our marriage. The word of God can help us to develop a strong sense of self-esteem and identity in Christ [...]

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How a Fear of Abandonment Gets in the Way of a Healthy Relationship

How a Fear of Abandonment Gets in the Way of a Healthy Relationship

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:06+00:00August 6th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A healthy relationship is a wonderful thing to experience. As social beings, we are wired for relationships, and when our relationships are functioning well, they can contribute to our well-being in several ways. Healthy relationships are linked to higher self-esteem, less anxiety and depression, a stronger immune system, faster recovery from illness, and possibly longer life. Many different issues can affect the health of a relationship, and a fear of abandonment is one of them. What is the fear of abandonment? We all must deal at one point or another with the loss of a loved one, whether as a result of death or because the relationship comes to an end. Loss is a part of all our lives, and it affects us in different ways. However, a person who fears abandonment lives in fear of these losses occurring. Fear of abandonment is a type of anxiety that some people have about the possibility or idea of losing someone that they care about. Abandonment can happen either emotionally or physically. Physical abandonment is when a person leaves the relationship, whether they die or they walk away from the relationship. If a parent left in your childhood, that might foster a fear of abandonment. Emotional abandonment is when loved ones distance themselves emotionally, by not paying attention to your needs, or by being remote and not sharing themselves with you. Experiences such as infidelity, divorce, and the death of a loved one can all lead to a fear of abandonment. Not having one’s emotional and physical needs met can thus lead to abandonment anxiety. Past experiences of abandonment which cause attachment issues, as well as experiences of trauma and abuse, can all contribute to someone developing a fear of abandonment. How it affects a relationship How we experience relationships and what [...]

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Asking for Forgiveness from Someone You’ve Wronged

Asking for Forgiveness from Someone You’ve Wronged

By Jennifer Kooshian|2024-09-27T09:56:53+00:00May 16th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

In his An Essay On Criticism, Alexander Pope wrote that “To err is human, to forgive, divine”. We all make mistakes, whether intentionally or otherwise. Part of the everyday reality of our existence is that we will get things wrong, even when we lead off with the best intentions. Getting things wrong is part of the human condition. However, this state of affairs doesn’t mean being content leaving things as they are, which is where asking for forgiveness comes in. You can wrong someone in a wide variety of ways. You can disappoint the expectations that they had of you, especially if they are legitimate ones. You can break your word and not do something that you’d said you would, and so breach their trust. You can also wrong them by not being there for them when they need you most. You can thus wrong someone by what you do, as well as what you don’t do. The it means to forgive There is often misunderstanding about what forgiveness means and doesn’t mean. For some people, they understand forgiveness as being given a free pass for the wrong things they’ve done. Others view forgiveness as being conditioned upon you engaging in good behavior for a set period of time. As such, forgiveness is often understood as something that’s earned, or as a license to do as you please. Both of these are flawed in important ways. Forgiveness does not mean that what you did was okay. When someone forgives you, they are releasing themselves from carrying any feelings of animosity or the desire to dish out to you what you did to them. If you hadn’t done anything wrong, there would be nothing to forgive. What you did was wrong – you should not have done it, and it [...]

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Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:55:28+00:00April 15th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Our relationships with other people are the places where we are often at our most vulnerable. The people we’re in relationships with see us at our best and our worst; they support us in times of trouble, and they also share in our joys. We stand alongside them when they are in need, and we share the journey of life. When those relationships are or become unsafe, that can undermine one’s well-being, especially where emotional abuse is involved. Relationships come in different shapes; parent-child relationships, friendship, a romantic relationship, or the relationship between siblings, to name a few. These different relationships don’t all function the same way, but there are a few things that are basic to all relationships. This includes being shown consideration, love, and respect. Our dignity and value which flows from being creatures made in God’s image (Genesis 1: 26-27) make these basics just that. Some examples of emotional abuse Emotional abuse manifests in a relationship in several ways. Certain patterns of relating to one another may seem natural and may have always been part of how you talk and act toward each other, but that doesn’t mean that they are normal or healthy. In other situations, those patterns may be recent developments that have begun to affect your relationship. Some examples of emotional abuse in a relationship include the following: Withholding affection, care, and support There are relationships in which there is a duty to care. Parents have a duty to care for, clothe, feed, educate, house, and meet the needs of their children such as the need to socialize and play with their peers. Spouses have duties to one another, including showing affection, giving mutual support, and so on. Withholding what rightfully belongs to the other person for whatever reason is a form of [...]

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4 Types of Communication Styles

4 Types of Communication Styles

By Jennifer Kooshian|2024-09-27T09:56:41+00:00March 14th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

God has made us unique, with different physical, mental, and psychological attributes. While no two personalities are the same, experts have been able to group individuals sharing similar styles into descriptive categories. While a person can adapt their style to a certain extent, they naturally revert to a default category. When it comes to how we speak and interact with each other, there are generally four types of communication styles that come into play. Passive communication styles – “My feelings don’t count” The types of communication styles classified as passive describes a person who constantly puts the needs and feelings of others ahead of their own. While this can be seen as kind and caring (and it is in practice); the issue is that they tend to deny their feelings, discounting their importance or validity. This style of communication leads to people-pleasing and a build-up of negative emotion, which is not how God meant us to communicate. The passive personality avoids confrontation and challenging conversations because they seem too difficult, but at the same time, this means that they have not been properly understood and their needs remain unmet. They often apologize unnecessarily and can be dishonest about their true opinions and views. In relationships, others will get the sense that they “don’t know where they stand” with them and can be confused when the person’s passive style leads to an eventual angry outburst. Aggressive communication styles – “My view is what matters” It is not difficult to spot a person who adopts aggressive types of communication styles. They are highly focused on their own perspectives and appear confrontational and inflexible. While they are always honest, this can be at the expense of other people’s feelings, and they (perhaps unknowingly) cause hurt and offense. When dealing with someone who [...]

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Practicing Peaceful Parenting

Practicing Peaceful Parenting

By Caitlin Mallery|2024-09-27T09:48:06+00:00February 6th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Family Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Nobody can push a parent’s buttons like their own children. The tailor-made combination of genetics, expectations of society, and general humanness of your children has likely given you many a headache and caused you to lose your cool entirely and also lose sight of peaceful parenting. Both mom and dad can be made into rather fun acronyms such as Manager Of Mayhem and Disaster Assistance Director. But dad jokes aside, being a parent can feel like you are just barely containing a chaotic force of nature. Steps for Practicing Peaceful Parenting With the financial strain, the busy schedules, and the constant needs of children weighing on you, you may wonder if peaceful parenting is possible. Can you ever get these fearfully and wonderfully made children safe and secure without screaming or abusing them in some way? The answer is yes, it is possible. Peaceful parenting is not confined to snippets on social media. What is shown on social media is not a measure of your parenting prowess. So, start by putting down the measuring stick. Stop comparing yourself to other parents. You do not see other parents and children day in and day out. You don’t have the same kids, you don’t have the same problems, and you don’t need to judge someone else based on brief interactions and edited presentations on social media. Seek out parents you admire as friends and support each other. Wise parents know that there are ups and downs, as well as changing seasons. How you view other parents sets the tone for how you view yourself as a parent. By being supportive and generous toward other parents, you will prevent a lot of angst toward yourself and your children. Mom and Dad work together at parenting. No matter how the responsibilities shake out [...]

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How Do Birth Order Traits Influence Personality in Children?

How Do Birth Order Traits Influence Personality in Children?

By Cyndi Kay Green|2024-09-27T09:49:07+00:00November 21st, 2023|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

It is now believed that birth order traits can influence your child’s personality. Personality is affected by various influences throughout childhood. Different interaction techniques used by parents can influence each child’s personality traits. Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he grows older he will not abandon it. – Proverbs 22:6, NASB What is birth order? Birth order refers to the child’s position in the sibling hierarchy. In the simplest form, it is determined by the order in which a child is born. Depending on the size of the family, there are typically oldest, middle, youngest, or only child positions. The middle child position can be a little more complex if there is more than one child between the oldest and youngest. By understanding birth order, you can understand the various personality traits of your children. It is important to be mindful of the fact that other factors can influence your child’s personality. How do birth order traits affect personality? According to Alfred Adler, birth order impacts the personality of children that are common in most children in that same birth order. Personality is typically defined as the characteristics that a person displays in how he or she reacts. These personalities are formed as the child learns how to interact in his or her environment. Birth order can influence personality through the difference in parenting for each child. Sometimes birth order doesn’t have any influence on the traits that are typical for that birth order. If your child perceives himself or herself in a different role than his or her birth order, he or she may not exhibit traits related to that birth order. Birth order can also have effects on the way siblings interact with each other and their parents. This is typically [...]

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