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The Power of Yes and No: Navigating Codependency and Boundaries

The Power of Yes and No: Navigating Codependency and Boundaries

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:19+00:00August 30th, 2023|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We all face different seasons and choices in life. Even in these, we have the opportunity to set aside in times of plenty to prepare for needs sure to come (Proverbs 6:6-8). Placing boundaries around how we prioritize and expend our resources has the potential to sustain us when life brings challenges or when we find ourselves victims of codependency. Our Faithful Father furnishes us with aptitudes, abilities, and unlimited access to His Presence and wisdom concerning how to navigate each season. Through this, He teaches us that wise stewardship isn’t solely about how we use our yes, but also where we appropriate our no as well. Though no is one of the shortest words, using it can be difficult. Though misconstrued, we who follow Jesus, need to understand the power of this small and mighty word. With it, we carve boundaries, not intended to destroy, but rather nurture connection and give our relationships a chance to flourish. Without no, we act codependently, invariably saying yes to what things shouldn’t. Saying no protects the parameters that support our relationships with God, self, and others. Although some tend to view dissent as meanness and dismiss its use as not being Christlike, no clarifies boundaries, and expectations, and conveys value. Having a healthy understanding and application of boundaries is essential to our well-being and vital for thriving connections with others. Christians need to have this dialogue and exercise greater ease with saying no as part of our total well-being. We belong to Jesus, relating through the Spirit and reflecting that in how we regard our neighbor and ourselves. It may seem controversial, but our no can often be the better witness that overcomes codependent mindsets and practices. We also place boundaries on our behavior, freeing people to see and experience the [...]

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Does Premarital Counseling Lead to a Successful Marriage?

Does Premarital Counseling Lead to a Successful Marriage?

By Melissa Plantz|2024-09-27T09:48:53+00:00July 8th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

More couples are seeking premarital counseling. According to Health Research Funding, couples who choose premarital counseling have a higher success rate than those who do not. You cannot guarantee that you will have a happy, joyful, loving marriage for the rest of your life as factors outside of your control are at play, but what if you could be more prepared before you say, “I do?” Premarital counseling opens doors. Premarital counseling aims to get to the foundation of the marriage relationship. You must have a firm foundation to have a rock, solid marriage. If this foundation is rooted in Jesus Christ as the cornerstone, it will make navigating the trials and obstacles in a marriage a little easier. Christian premarital counseling points you in that direction and equips you with communication skills. You learn more about each other’s backgrounds and how you would handle specific situations. It addresses problems and how to solve those while keeping your relationship strong. What to expect in premarital counseling. Most premarital counseling sessions can be divided into two to eight sessions, with an average of eight hours of counseling before the wedding. Premarital counseling should be considered before the ceremony. Sometimes the officiant will also provide premarital counseling, especially in faith-based ceremonies. The topics in premarital counseling will vary, but the most common are listed below. You should have a good grasp of what marriage means to you and your partner and the values and expectations you have of it. You should also discuss non-negotiables. For example, if infidelity and adultery are deal-breakers, say so. Make it clear that you do not want to go into a marriage or stay in one if your spouse ever chooses someone over you. The value of marriage. Marriage may mean something different to your significant [...]

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Relationship Advice for Men: Practical Tips to Implement

Relationship Advice for Men: Practical Tips to Implement

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:43+00:00June 7th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We can all use extra help from time to time in our relationships. Here are a few pieces of relationship advice for men. If you need more help, don’t hesitate to speak with a Christian counselor about your unique relationship challenges. Relationship Advice for Men Communication is key. The first bit of relationship advice for men revolves around communication. Effective communication is an important aspect of any relationship. Here are a few tips for improving communication as a man. Practice active listening. This means fully focusing on what your partner is saying and trying to understand their perspective. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive. Instead, try to ask clarifying questions. Be honest and open with your thoughts and feelings. Don’t bottle up your emotions or hide things from your partner. Instead, try to be upfront about what you’re thinking and feeling. Use “I” statements. Instead of blaming or accusing your partner, try to express how their actions have affected you. For example, “I feel hurt when you don’t listen to me” is more effective than “You never listen to me.” Watch your nonverbal communication. Your body language and tone of voice can convey a lot of information. Make sure that they align with what you’re trying to say. Take breaks when needed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or things are getting heated, it can be helpful to step away and give yourself some time to cool off before continuing the conversation. Remember, effective communication is a two-way street. It’s important not only to express your own thoughts and feelings but also to listen to and understand your partner’s perspective. Show your appreciation for your girlfriend or wife. A second piece of relationship advice for men is to show appreciation. There are many ways that a man can show appreciation for his [...]

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Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Friendships

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Friendships

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:55:12+00:00May 5th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The people you call friends are those you’ve built rapport with; you get each other, and you’ve gone through enough things together to build trust. Implied in all this is that a solid friendship takes time to build, and it’s not always a smooth road getting there. Friends, like other people, have fights, and hopefully, they resolve those conflicts well. One positive outcome of well-resolved conflict is that you know one another as well as how to love each other better. Boundaries are another way for friends to love one another, and they are just as important in friendships as in other relationships. Defining boundaries. A boundary is a psychological and emotional demarcation of where one person ends, and another begins. God created us uniquely in His image, and we are born with our personalities, strengths, areas for growth, proclivities, and sensitivities. Though we may share many similarities, we are individuals. This is all the more important between friends because you can have so much in common that you can seem like you’re the same person. Even though you may have many points of common interest, you and your friends are still individuals. Healthy boundaries define and protect that individuality so that you can express yourself and exist without being consumed by someone else. If there’s a friend with a dominant personality, a combination of that dominance and peer pressure can wind up molding the group of friends into an extension of the dominant personality. Healthy boundaries prevent that from happening. Why good boundaries make better friendships. It may be tempting to think of boundaries as a barrier of sorts, the kind that hinders vulnerability and deep fellowship. On the contrary, healthy boundaries can facilitate more meaningful interactions between friends. It allows the friends to be themselves and make [...]

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The Inside Job: Healing Trauma and Family Relationships

The Inside Job: Healing Trauma and Family Relationships

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:54:11+00:00April 28th, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Scripture’s earliest images reveal the spectrum of challenges that all of humanity encounters. In family relationships, God set the blueprint at creation in a perfect environment. God created a world for His people to live in harmonious fellowship with Him and one another free from trauma. Despite this, a real enemy threatened what God had envisioned. He sought to destroy the Father’s Image by persuading Adam and Eve to not only doubt God, but themselves, and one another. Although Adam and Eve were made from the same material and fashioned by the same God, sin split their bond. Disobedience distorted their perceptions to view the Father as withholding goodness. Instead of acknowledging the role of the serpent and their own culpability, they blamed one another. Their experience reveals how sin fragments us and weakens our connections. We tend to believe the lies whispered by our enemy instead of embracing the Truth that we were created to live. Tormented by trauma The Genesis story is rather familiar because it seems that we have heard it many times. However, as many times as we have read about it, we don’t realize that we are often living the same script. Like the first humans, we mirror Adam and Eve who cowered in the shadows. While they assembled fig leaves to shield themselves from their awareness of vulnerability and exposure, we tend to cover ourselves with possessions, seeking people, or pursuing activities to keep our minds busy. In doing so, we break fellowship with the Father and injure one another because we worry about what we might discover about ourselves in the stillness. Rebellion created a chasm of emotional distance and dysfunction. Sin changed the way that humanity would experience relationships going forward. We still experience its effects today. Our fallen world, full [...]

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Maintaining Commitment in Your Marriage

Maintaining Commitment in Your Marriage

By Kate Motaung|2024-09-27T09:53:44+00:00December 12th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Do you believe that as time has gone on, your commitment to your partner has grown weaker? Do you want to change that trend? If so, it is helpful to consider the following questions: What does it entail to be faithful to your spouse? What obstacles could jeopardize this dedication? What can you do to make your commitment to your partner stronger? First, let’s look at some basics. What is commitment? What do you think commitment means in a marriage? Many would contend that it results from a sense of obligation. For instance, a couple might decide to stay together for the sake of their kids or out of a sense of obligation to God, the One who created marriage. Such motivations are undoubtedly admirable and will support a marriage during trying times. However, marriage partners must feel more than just a sense of duty toward one another to be content. Jehovah God intended for a marriage to make a couple deeply joyful and content. He wanted a man to rejoice in his wife (Ephesians 5:28, NIV) and he wanted a woman to feel as loved by her husband as he does by his own body. (Proverbs 5:18, NIV) A couple must develop trust to forge that kind of bond. Their ability to form a lifelong friendship is also crucial. A man and woman’s dedication to their marriage will increase as they work to gain each other’s trust and develop the closest of friendships. They will develop a bond that the Bible describes as being so strong that it will feel like “‘…the two will become one flesh.’” (Matthew 19:5, NIV) Therefore, commitment could be compared to the mortar holding together a sturdy house’s bricks. Sand, cement, and water are some of the ingredients used to make mortar. Similar [...]

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Divorce In The Bible: What Does It Say?

Divorce In The Bible: What Does It Say?

By Sandra Stein|2024-09-27T09:49:52+00:00July 13th, 2022|Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Many people see divorce as a positive solution to a troubled marriage, but the Bible is clear that God designed marriage to be a lifelong covenant relationship between a man and a woman. It was meant to be a sacred bond based on love, commitment, and mutuality that reflected God’s love for His people, and Christ’s relationship to His church. The Apostle Paul describes this spiritual union that takes place in marriage as a “profound mystery” (Ephesians 5:31-32). Divorce was never an option. After the fall (Genesis 3), man’s sinful nature led to widespread disregard for the sanctity of marriage, making it fall far short of God’s original plan. Husbands were being unfaithful to their wives, disrespecting and mistreating them, and even sending them away without cause so they could marry younger women. Even though God hated divorce (Malachi 2:16), he allowed it in order to protect the disadvantaged woman from the treachery and abuse of her hardhearted husband. A certificate of divorce was instituted under Moses to diminish the injustice perpetrated against the discarded wife. No longer could her husband just unceremoniously throw her out. He had to provide her with a legal document sanctioning the dissolution of their marriage and giving her freedom to remarry and become part of another family where she would hopefully be treated better (Deuteronomy 24:1-2). The behavior of the Israelite men angered God and He would no longer accept their offerings with favor. When they wondered why, He sent them a message through His prophet, Malachi. Another thing you do. You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you [...]

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