Refilling Your Cup: Self-Care for Moms

It’s an old but powerful adage that you can’t pour out from an empty cup. You simply cannot give to others something that you yourself do not possess. Moms often have full days that require a lot from them: mediating disputes, making a dollar stretch as far as possible, feeding others and nurturing their bodies and souls, teaching, and more. Self-care for moms isn’t really an option. It’s necessary if they want to keep doing their job well.

Why Moms Need Self-Care

The call to mothering is a profound and challenging one. Nurturing another human being, whether they are a baby, toddler, teen, or adult, isn’t easy, and it can often be exhausting. For some moms, that nurturing role is combined with a career or day job that splits their attention and needs them to juggle things to make it all work. Self-sacrifice at work and at home becomes the daily reality.

Moms get so many messages, whether from the world or from the church, about who they are or who they are supposed to be. One message is that putting yourself on the line and sacrificing yourself entirely for your children is a virtue and the highest form of love. The typical result of such messaging is that mothers run themselves ragged trying to keep up with the relentless pace and needs from every corner.

There is an invisible weight to motherhood that is hard to explain to others. As a mom tries to carry that weight, she might find herself feeling depleted, and she can’t give to other people when her own reserves are tapped out. Caring for yourself as a mom isn’t an indulgence, but an essential part of life. There really isn’t another way for you to sustain the presence and love your family requires from you without that self-care.

In Proverbs 31, there’s a verse that says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (Proverbs 31:25, NIV) That is a goal worth aspiring to for a mom or anyone else, but it requires taking time. You need to replenish your reserves, recalibrate, and reconnect with the Lord as you journey deeper into His purposes for your life. In other words, it requires some self-care.

Moms need self-care because the benefits of that care ripple outward to the people around them. When you care for yourself, you’re more emotionally regulated, more joyful, more present, more patient, and better able to handle difficulty. Taking care of yourself also serves as a powerful model for your kids that a person’s needs matter. When you care for yourself, you guard yourself against resentment as well as burnout, which can creep in over time.

Defining Self-Care

Self-care is the cluster of habits and practices that you engage in to attend to your own emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual needs. These habits and practices help you to sustain your capacity to love and live well. They are intentional, and when they are used consistently, these practices and habits help you to show up as the person, mother, and partner that you want to be.

The habits and practices that make up self-care don’t all look the same for every mother. That’s because each mother is unique, as are her circumstances, personality, resources, support networks, and relationships. Taking self-care seriously doesn’t necessarily mean having hours of uninterrupted time every day, week, or month. That would be wonderful if you could get it, but life doesn’t always work that way.

Assuming that self-care requires a huge time investment could serve as a barrier preventing you from trying. It’s more practical to think of it as something that can be pursued in a mom’s daily rhythms. It is something to be found in small moments, and the longer-term investments you make into your own flourishing.

Self-Care for Moms – Some Practices and Habits to Consider

Self-care is often one of the first things to go when life gets hectic, and it sometimes doesn’t even make it on the priority list. However, taking care of yourself is what allows you to show up effectively for others. Think about how much better you are at carrying the mantle of mom when you’ve had a good night’s rest compared to when you got a smattering of sleep, if that. You’re more patient, present, and creative when you’re well rested.

As you think about your own self-care routine, consider the shape of your life, the resources you have on hand, and the demands on your time and capacity. Self-care when you have young children and are recently back in the workforce won’t necessarily look the same five years later. Below are a few daily self-care practices you can consider adopting, as well as some long-term strategies you can use for ongoing wellness.

Eat well and drink water This is quite basic, but moms can neglect doing the basics because life gets busy, and their focus is on taking care of everyone else. Take the time to eat regular, nourishing meals as part of your self-care. Doing so fuels your body and also allows you to skirt the possibility of being hangry (anger that comes from hunger).

Have quiet mornings Taking even fifteen minutes for yourself before your household wakes up can help set a great tone for your day. It’s the sort of thing you can and should communicate to your family so that you have that time to yourself. You can use it to pray, read Scripture, or simply sit in silence with a nice cup of tea.

Move your body Movement helps to elevate your mood, reduce your stress levels, and reconnect with your own body. Movement can take the form of gentle stretches, a short walk, riding a bike, dancing, or Pilates. As long as it gets you moving, it works.

Connect with other adults One of the dangers for moms is becoming isolated and not having someone with whom to have grown-up conversations. A mom needs to connect with other adults. Call your mom, grab a coffee with a friend, or have conversations with your partner. Having relationships that go beyond your children is a must.

Name your feelings Being a mom brings complex emotional experiences with it. Part of self-care is orienting yourself and knowing what you feel. Allow yourself to name those feelings and experiences, whether it’s joy, grief, frustration, or loneliness. The aim isn’t to judge yourself, but to own your emotions and understand your own thoughts and feelings so they don’t catch you off guard.

Take in beauty Gratitude and the ability to see beauty are powerful weapons that can help you regulate your mood better. Make it a habit to try to notice something beautiful every day. It could be a piece of music, the colors of the evening sky, a child’s laugh, or a line from a poem or song. When reading the Psalms, like Psalm 19 and 104, you can pick up examples of attentiveness to beauty and God’s creation.

Regular respite Where possible, even if it’s brief, build in regular time during your day, week, or month away from parenting responsibilities. You’re not abandoning your children or your responsibilities; you’re taking time away to replenish yourself.

Carve out something of your own Pursue something of your own, whether it’s a creative practice like art, a hobby, or an area of learning and growth that doesn’t have anything to do with your role as a mom. Being Mom is a part of who you are, but it is not the entirety of your identity, and it’s important to keep that awareness.

Have honest friendships Along similar lines, it’s important that you have other mothers or women who know you well. These are people with whom you can be honest and raw about the messy and difficult parts of being a mom without being performative and without needing to maintain illusions.

Counseling or therapy Counseling isn’t only for when it feels like life is falling apart. Even in those spaces and times when things are manageable, counseling offers you a space to reflect on your inner life so that you know how you are doing. Counseling offers you a safe space to process the various losses, demands, joys, and complexities of motherhood.

Your counselor is someone who will listen to you without judgment, and they are positioned to help you grow as you identify concerns and develop the tools to handle those challenges effectively. Prioritizing your own well-being matters for the reasons noted earlier. If you would like support in building a balanced life where your needs are also addressed, contact our reception team to get started on that journey.