What Is Anticipatory Grief? Faith-Based Grief Support in McKinney, Texas

Grief is a collection of emotions that we feel when we lose something or someone. Everyone will experience grief over something in their lives, but not everyone will experience anticipatory grief.

Anticipatory grief happens when we know the unavoidable is going to happen. It is a way for us to process the inevitable that comes in the form of death, separation, or loss. If grief is a complex process, anticipatory grief is even more complex.

The Grief Response: Anticipatory Grief

It might seem strange that someone would grieve over a person who is still alive or grieve a situation before it changes. Like all other forms of grief, however, we don’t plan to feel anticipatory grief; it is a reaction or response to a situation. People might feel anticipatory grief for a long while before realizing what it is they are feeling.

Most commonly, people feel anticipatory grief for a person who is terminally ill. Even though the person might be undergoing treatment, loved ones and relatives might emotionally brace themselves by grieving for them even while they are alive. In a sense, they are mourning this person even while spending time with them.

Anticipatory grief looks a lot like other types of grief. There are a lot of emotions involved, including anger, depression, and sadness, but there might also be a lot of laughter and reminiscing. Some people become more emotionally candid than they have ever been before, finally saying all the things they’ve withheld for whatever reason.

Besides terminal illness, people might feel anticipatory grief for elderly relatives. As people age, we get to the point where we realize that the ones we love are not going to be with us forever. We begin holding onto the time we have with them, always aware that it won’t last forever. Only children might begin grieving for their parents as soon as they process the idea of mortality, which in some cases is quite young.

Parents and mothers especially begin grieving over the idea of having an “empty nest.” This is an aspect of parenthood that many people are not prepared for, where your family dynamics change forever. The very thought of our babies flying the nest and facing life out in the world is enough to cause anticipatory grief for any parent.

Good Grief

One of the ways that anticipatory grief is complex is how we can simultaneously be thankful for what is to come and yet dread it at the same time. When a loved one has been suffering from sickness, for example, we know that they will finally be at peace when they eventually go, but we also know that we will miss them.

The same is true for the parent whose children will soon leave home; she might be overjoyed for them and proud that they are embarking on adulthood, but she also knows that her life is not going to be the same without them always around.

In this way, anticipatory grief is helpful for us. It braces us emotionally and mentally for the inevitable change that is going to come. It doesn’t make the situation easier, but it does help us to enjoy each moment with our loved ones. We might think things like, “I shouldn’t be feeling like this now,” or, “I should try to be happy around them while they are still here,” but these complicated feelings are a normal part of life and grief.

Weight and Depth

In biblical times, the value of something was often determined by its weight. The Hebrew word for “honor” literally translates to weight or heaviness. One of the things that grief teaches us is how much we value and honor the people in our lives. Sometimes, it takes anticipatory grief for us to say the things we need to say or spend the time we need to spend with someone before they are gone.

It’s only logical that you feel the weight of what is to come. It’s because you value them so much that you are so afraid of having to deal with the gap that they will leave behind. Grief draws our attention to the beauty and value of something or someone, even when we would rather not acknowledge it just yet. Sometimes, grief sneaks in a little earlier than we would like, and that’s okay.

Christian Grief Counseling in McKinney, Texas

If you feel like you would benefit from processing your thoughts and feelings with someone, maybe counseling would be a good idea. Sometimes, it’s easier to open up to a stranger, especially someone who won’t judge you. If you are interested in finding a counselor, contact us, and we can help get you started.